Right now I have only one poem on the computer. I will add more poems as I as I type them out from my notebook.

ENGLISH IS A CRAZY LANGUAGE

(My second title was: thank you, thank you, oh thank you God for making English my first language)

There is no ham in hamburger, no snap in snapple,
Neither apple nor pine in a pineapple.
As for hotdogs, that's where I will draw the line,
It's contents are a mystery, though surly not canine.
Boxing rings are square! How could I know?
And quicksand isn't quick, it really works slow.

French fries were not invented anywhere in France,
And English muffins from England? Hmm. . . not a chance.
And speaking of chance, could it be a game,
That fat chance and slim chance both mean the same?
And another thing I learned, that still gives me fits,
It that a wise guy and a wise man are opposites.

Tell me how do noses run and yet feet smell?
Why do you recite at a play, and play at a recital?
And when it comes to cars, it can really amaze,
To park on driveways and drive on parkways.
And speaking of cars, remember this tip,
That you ship by car or truck, and send cargo by ship.

If writers can write, and singers will sing,
Why don't grocers groce, and fingers fing?
And if the plural of tooth is the word teeth,
Could the plural of booth be the word beeth?
One mouse makes two mice, one louse makes two lice.
So me and my spouse, are we really 'spice'?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, wouldn't it be neat,
To try to think of what humanitarians eat?
And one of the things, my teacher never taught:
Is why in the world, my preacher never praught.
The weather you could say is really a bother,
To be hot as hell one day, and cold as hell another.

You might say that this is what life is about:
When you fill in a form, instead fill it out,
If someone burns down a house, it really burns up,
When an alarm clock goes off, it goes on: you wake up!
Finally, when I 'wind up' my watch, it STARTS to run.
But when I 'wind up' this poem, it ENDS and I'm done.